ARE YOU OK?

Today, the 12^th of September 2013, is ‘ARE YOU OK?’ day.

In Australia, there is a suicide attempt every ten minutes! That’s a hell of a lot of depressed people living in a state of mind where they feel that life is not worth living, for whatever reason.

I’m pretty sure that each and every one of us has been touched by this kind of tragedy at some point in our lives and if you’re anything like me, it leaves you wondering if you did everything you could to stop it from happening.

Most of the time we have absolutely no idea that someone close to us is having a hard time dealing with life. They may walk around with a smile on their lips but their eyes tell a completely different story. The problem is, we’re so busy doing our own thing in our own very busy lives, that we don’t actually stop to take a good look at our friends and colleagues.

More often than not, when we ask the fleeting question, “How are you going?” we don’t even hear the answer, let alone look into their eyes as they tell us. The secret is there. They’ll try to hide it from us but if we take a few seconds to look deep enough, we’ll find the truth. And sometimes, all they need is someone to listen for a few minutes.

If you’re ever the one chosen by someone to lend an ear, don’t ever turn them away. You never know...you could be the one who ends up saving their life.

Until next time...

M.C. Holman...

Giving up? Or giving it all you've got?

How many times have you taken up something new, gotten all excited and then realised how much competition is out there? Do you continue because you have something to prove or do you quit because you’re scared?

No matter what you do, there is always going to be someone out there who does it better. Someone who’s more devoted. Who has more contacts and more resources than you do and who believes in themselves more than you do.

So what? Are you going to quit? Throw in the towel and admit defeat?

I don’t think so!

You trod on. You squash those negative thoughts and you give it all you’ve got. If you enjoy what you’re doing and you believe you’re good at whatever it is, or if you’ve been told you’re talented on more than one occasion, then the right thing to do is keep going. You owe it to yourself.

Do you want to look back in twenty years time and think, “I wish I‘d kept going. I wish I hadn’t quit.”

I don’t! That’s not me! It used to be, but not anymore.

It’s taken quite a while for me to refer to myself as an ‘author’ or a ‘novelist’ but that’s what I am. Even though I’ve been writing for years, it wasn’t until April 2012 that my first novel was published. Sure I’d had the occasional article in newspapers published and a poem of mine is included in an anthology somewhere (I really should find where I put that book.) but the thought of referring myself to others as an author, made me uncomfortable, to say the least. It still does, even now that my second novel is in the process of being seen in print.

Why?

Because Facebook has opened up my eyes. The number of literary geniuses who are out there, is astounding. Every author who I’ve made contact with, is in one way or another amazing. Whether it’s the way their imaginations run wild, the words they use or the way they string those words together, they’re all wonderful and unique in their own ways. I find myself reading their work and thinking, I could never write like that!  Who am I to even think that I can compete with these remarkable men and women?

I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not competing with any of them. I’m only competing with myself. Learning more as I write and bettering myself as I do. Sure I’m a late starter, so to speak, and I may not be a huge success in the end, but I enjoy what I do and that’s a good enough reason for me to keep going.

So next time you feel like quitting, ask yourself...Are you doing whatever it is you’re doing, for the benefit of others? Or are you doing it for yourself?

If the answer is, ‘I’m doing it for myself’ then that’s the right answer, and you should never quit!

 

Until next time...

Keep smiling!

 

Working the graveyard shift – A killer for relationships.

These days it’s almost impossible for a household to live on one income alone. When there are children, the expenses are astronomical and it’s fair to say that we need to make sacrifices to get by.

But why is it that when we try to do the right thing by our kids, we often jeopardise the things that are most important? Our family and their happiness.

Sometimes we believe that we are doing the right things to make our lives easier, but in the long run, we’re actually making things worse.

I have worked nights for roughly seven years while my husband works days. My mentality when I first started was, that there would always be someone home with our children regardless of who was at work, day or night. It almost backfired!

Marriages, and all relationships for that matter, need work. They take an endless supply of nurturing regardless of whether you’ve been together for one year or fifty, there is no difference. Yes, it’s easier in the beginning because the love is strong, but as the years go by we become complacent and that’s when the shit goes south. We need to stay on top of it. Our relationships need ongoing work and maintenance, otherwise they crack, break and fall apart and you won’t find any type of adhesive that’s strong enough to glue it back together.

Now picture this...You throw a couple of kids into the equation and it suddenly becomes even more difficult. The time that you and your partner once had for each other is now delegated between more members of the family. At this point, you may throw one part of the partnership into a day shift job and the other one into night shift to make ends meet financially, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. If you thought you had problems before, well, let me tell you, you’re going to have major issues now. Usually the one who works nights is exhausted all the time. They have limited sleep. Their body clock is out of whack. They’re grumpy all the time. They snap for little or no reason. They’re emotional. They’re forgetful. And to top it all off, they have little or no desire to have sex.

“What?” You scream. “No sex?” That’s right guys. No sex. (Well, If you’re lucky, you might get a little, but it won’t be very often and you can forget about those marathon sessions that you used to have. They’re history, so don’t go getting all excited.)

So what do you do if you have no choice but to work a different shift to your partner? How do you share your time to suit every member of your family? What can you do to keep everyone, especially yourself, sane and happy?

Date nights. Yep! You read right.

Kids are flexible and adaptable but the same cannot be said for your partner. You are their life. You are the one who they chose to spend the rest of their years with, so don’t take them for granted, because nothing is set in stone. They can walk away at any time if they feel that it’s not worth it anymore. If you want your relationship to stand strong and last for many years to come, you have to work on it. Go out for dinner, see a movie, book a motel. Do whatever it takes to keep that love going because if the flame dies and the spark disappears, then you’ve lost. You’ll be left standing alone and wondering how the hell you let it get to THAT point. The point of no return. So work nights if you really must, but remember to throw in a little 'R & R' and 'ME 'time as well as a little one on one time with your partner, otherwise, there's no hope.

Until next time...

M. C.

WAKE UP! YOU'VE BEEN USED!

YOU’VE BEEN USED!

Ever offered something to someone and they’ve led you to believe that it’s what they want, but then they avoid you? It’s  amazing how often it happens. You may say that these people are too nice to knock you back by saying anything negative to your face, or that they’re too nice to reject you straight out, but the truth is, they’re just cowards that lead you to believe that you’ve got something that they want.

Maybe they leave you hanging while they work on something else. Something that they believe will suit them better and will be more to their liking but they’re unwilling to let you go completely until they’ve got the other project in the hand. They’ll string you along until they’re absolutely certain that they don’t need you anymore. You’re their plan B. When their other project is a sure thing, then they’ll let you go. Sound familiar?

It can happen in the workforce. You need a position that pays better. Your boss tells you that he’s working on giving you a promotion but instead he strings you along to keep you there which in turn encourages you to work harder. You do this because you really want that higher paying job but your boss has no intention of giving you a better position or a cent more than what you’re earning right now.

Wake up! You’re being used! Look for another job! Somewhere where you’ll be appreciated and paid your worth.

You’ve just started seeing someone new. They say all the right things and it’s going along nicely (so you think) until you put out. Then the calls stop and the messages cease. Deep down you know they’re seeing someone else. You’ve been played and you end up wondering where you stand.

Wake up! You’ve been used! Cut your losses, tell them to  **** off and look for someone new. Someone who’ll appreciate you for who you are and all the good things you have to offer.

Your friends call you only when they need something or have no one else to hang out with. But when you need them they’re not available or they’re too busy.

Wake up! You’re being used! Get some new friends. Friends who know the meaning of the word ‘friendship’.  Not only when it suits them, but at any time, on any day. Friends who’ll be there for YOU and vice-versa.

It’s amazing how much we’re willing to put up with when we really want something to be a part of our lives. How much we let slide or turn a blind eye to when it’s what we THINK we want. We make excuses for the people who continuously do us wrong and we protect them, and because we do this, they get away with it and continue to use us because they know they can. BECAUSE WE LET THEM!

The day we let go of the things that are no good for us, is the day that we make room for the things that are. We really need to make the changes to improve our lives and rid ourselves of everything that brings us heartache. We need to learn from our mistakes and move on. Do things differently and start living the life we deserve. WE are in charge of our own happiness. WE have the right to make our own decisions. WE have a choice!

 I choose to be happy. How about you?

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." Henry Ford (1863-1947)

Until next time...
Stay happy! xx

M.C.

Why write?

Friends and family often ask me why I bother with writing.

The answer is quite simple really. It’s because I love it. It’s what I like to do in my spare time.

Some like to play games, for instance candy crush, ha-ha, while others like to gamble or go to pubs. There are those who devote every spare minute that they have to the gym. Some read, some drink, some do gardening or build things. There are those who are big on renovations-they will finish one project and immediately begin a new one. Some are into their sports, some cook, others clean and some drift.

Not me-I write.

I write even if no one reads my words. Why? Because I enjoy it. It is my favourite pastime. Just as others have their favourite activities, I have mine. My writing takes me into a world which I create. A place where all my secret fears and desires congregate until I bring them out into the open. The place where I have total control over them. And since I am a bit of a control freak, that suits me perfectly.

There is a little bit of me and a little bit of everyone that I know in everything I write. The teaser for those who do actually read my work, is trying to figure out which parts are based on myself and which parts are based on those around me. My characters may be fictional, but most of them are inspired by my acquaintances-family, friends, work colleagues, and of course, adversaries.

My chosen genre is paranormal romance. The paranormal because I love all things that cannot be explained. My favourite quote here would have to be from ‘City of Angels’ – “Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.” And I choose to merge romance with it because I’m a sucker for a good love story with a happy, or at least... an almost happy ending.

Now that I’ve clarified why it is that I write, one question still remains...

Who am I writing about? And are they playing the part of the antagonist or the part of the protagonist? That is, and always will, remain classified. However, you are more than welcome to speculate. (Wink, wink.)

Until next time..

M.C.

Self image

Have you ever wondered how different your life would be if you were flawless?

I have.

Unfortunately most of us will never know what it’s like, but I assume that those who have been blessed with ‘having it all’ are totally oblivious of how lucky they are. Most of us can only dream of having the perfect body, the perfect face, being the perfect height, having great hair, skin, and so on. It’s a shame that those who come close to perfection often take it for granted.

We set the standard for perfection. The advertisements on TV show images of beautiful people. The majority of us fall short, to a degree, of that standard. A shame really, because each and every one of us has something beautiful to offer to the world. Whether it’s a feature or a characteristic or a even a form of charisma, it’s there, but we refuse to see it because we are so critical of ourselves. We forever judge or compare ourselves to others which is wrong, and we know that it’s wrong, but we can’t help it. It’s the way we are.

Would we really be more successful if we were better looking? Had a great body? Were taller, shorter, whatever?

Who says that ‘pretty Mary’ will have a better career than ‘ordinary Kate?’ (Not real names by the way.) Our upbringing does, that’s who.

Self image is formed when we are young. Because of this, every child needs to be enlightened with positive words about themselves, no matter what! Every child needs to hear that they are capable and clever as well as beautiful. They need to be constantly reminded that they can do whatever they want to do and they can be who they want to be when they grow up. It’s a must!

Words are powerful and a child will remember them. They are also free. So be generous with your positive words and tight with your negative ones because chances are they’ll be remembered more than the Playstation 3 that you bought for them last Christmas. Positive words are the only tools needed to build up confidence. If you don’t supply those tools and continuously keep them well stocked, then consider yourself the reason for creating a weak structure that will inevitably collapse at the first sign of a storm.

Look at the bullying situation in schools. A bully is a bully because they have poor self image and a child that is continuously bullied allows it to happen because they feel as though they deserve it. Is there such a thing as a child with a ‘great sense of self’ that is constantly bullied? I don’t think so. I haven’t seen one yet. And it’s THAT confidence that they have in themselves that actually repels the intimidators. Bullies only attack the weak because they know that they can get away with it. They’ll never attack the popular kid because the popular ones radiate poise and poise is the enemy of insecurity.

Teach your children how to wear the armour of self-confidence and self-worth and they will not be dragged down by the tyrants of this world. You can’t always be there by their side to shield and protect them, but you can teach them how to defend themselves. It is our responsibility as parents to keep our children safe and happy and if given the right tools while they are young, they can then go forth into the world of adulthood and succeed with confidence, no matter what they look like on the outside.

Never ever tell a child that they are not good enough to achieve a certain goal!  

As for the rest of us who already reside in THAT land, all I can say is...let’s change the way we see ourselves and that in turn will change the way others see us. Not all of the rich, famous and powerful people are beautiful on the outside, it’s what you can’t see with the naked eye that makes them different. If we could get inside their heads I’m sure that we would see that it’s filled with nothing but faith and self-assurance which is what powered them towards their goals in the first place. We can have those qualities too, we just need to believe.

Until next time...

M.C.

Movies. Where are the good ones?

Is it me or are the movies that are being made these days, becoming more and more pathetic?

One of my favourite R & R activities is sitting down for a couple of hours, feet up, drink in hand in front of a screen to take in and absorb, what I hope to be a good movie. Preferably one that leaves an impression on me and keeps me thinking about how good it was for days after it’s viewing.

Unfortunately, I’m finding that good quality story-lines are a rarity these days. Out of every ten that I watch, I’m lucky to come across one that is decent enough to recommend. Even when titles have been advertised as ‘brilliant’ ‘wonderful’ ‘inspiring’ impressively executed’ etc, they turn out to be nothing but big disappointments. What we’re shown in the previews are snippets of the best scenes and most of the time, the ONLY good scenes. The rest of the movie is pitiful and stale. I hate it when movies lack dramatics and intellectual stimulation and since I’m big on romance, if there is none, then I walk away disappointed. There’s got to be at least a little ROMANCE!

Obviously, movie makers are ignorant of our needs. I understand that they need to make a buck just like the rest of us, but supplying crap after deceiving us is the same as robbery. They really do need to find themselves some good screen writers who can deliver what we’re expecting.

In the last week I have watched movies which include a man and a woman meeting up in random hotel rooms on business trips. The entire movie was based on scene after scene of sex in 28 different rooms spanning over a number of years. WTF! And stupid me sat through it from beginning to end waiting for something dramatic to happen, but nope, no such luck. Luckily the movie was slightly shorter than most, however, 82 minutes still seemed like an eternity.

Another one was about a peculiar couple caravanning . Their road trip somehow turned into a bizarre murdering adventure. It was supposed to be a comedy but instead it turned out to be 88 minutes of ridiculous and twisted twaddle with gruesome scenes which turned my stomach (I detest movies with gory content!) and the romance side of it was just as sickening.

And let’s not forget to mention the ‘could have been wonderful movies’ which have terrific story-lines but the acting is appalling. These movies with potential, seem to star at least one well-known actor/actress (obviously to suck us in) who are foolishly  coupled with one or more dreadful fellow actors. It does nothing but bring the movie down. Instead of enjoying the storyline, we’re too busy scorning the casting crew for their harebrained choice of cast. It’s a crime to partner great actors with incompetent ones who lack the ability, and clearly, the personality to act. Great plots are ruined beyond repair when idiotic producers and casting directors have no idea of how to do their job properly.

What a waste of the movie-goers money.

Have you noticed that these days, cinemas are nowhere near as crowded as they were years ago? If we’re expected to fork out almost $20 to watch a movie, we expect that it’s going to be better than mediocre. It’s no wonder that most of us wait until movies are released onto DVD before watching them. If Hollywood would like us to spend precious relaxation time and money watching their shows, they’d better lift their game and start spitting out quality flicks instead of garbage.

Until next time...

Ciao’ for now.

M.C.

Homophobic much?

Now that I have your attention...  

Studies show that 10% of the population is homosexual. Surprised?

Often at group gatherings or social functions the subject of same sex relationships comes up. Sometimes only a few general comments are made, but other times those comments turn into heated debates with differences of opinions being argued and participants generally standing their ground on the subject. Each person refuses to see the others’ point of view. I call it...  ‘Tunnel vision’ or ‘hypocrisy’.

What I’m noticing is that if you’re anti gay there’s no swaying you to accept that some people have different sexual wants and needs to your own. (No point in forcing broccoli down a kids throat if they absolutely abhor the vegetable, you know what’s going to happen if you do.) It’s the same when you try to force an anti-gay person to see a homosexual’s point of view.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say out loud what I think...

I believe that every person who is a true homophobic has created in their own mind a certain fear, a fear of being attracted to a member of the same sex themselves. Homophobic men are afraid that every gay man is going to hit on them.

Um...helloooo. By thinking this way wouldn’t it be the same as believing that every straight person out there, be it man or woman, would try to hit on EVERY person of the opposite sex? Can you see what’s wrong with that statement? What happened to the law of attraction?

The Law of Attraction states that you attract into your life whatever you think about. 

Hmmm! Would this mean that those who are afraid of gays and lesbians are actually secretly afraid of letting others know that they’d like to swing that way themselves? By being openly anti-gay, do they really believe that their secret is safe?

Gays attract gays. Lesbians attract lesbians. They have some sort of inbuilt radar that lets them sense and detect other gays and lesbians. If you’re not that way inclined, then you have nothing to worry about, but if you are, then chances are that sooner or later, someone will come along and help you out of that dark closet that you have so desperately tried to bury yourself in. They will take you by the hand and stand by your side, support you and love you no matter what, just like in a ‘straight’ relationship. (Notice how I didn’t say ‘normal’ relationship?)

“But I’m married and I have kids.” I hear you say. Yes. But have you built your life on a lie? Have you done everything that has been expected of you because that’s what society has drummed into you? Have you done it because it’s what your parents expected you to do? Or have you committed to a life of unhappiness because you’re afraid of what might happen to you if you shock everyone with the truth?

If you’re gay, 9 times out of 10 your family and friends already know it. Unbeknownst to you, there are quite a few telltale signs that you may not be aware of, but those closest to you have seen the signs. They just haven’t said anything, because they’re waiting for you to say something first.

I guess there are a few people out there that are still struggling to come to terms with the fact that they might actually be gay. So why is it, that even in today’s open society, those that would like to ‘come out’ are afraid.  Afraid that they will be discriminated against, rejected, harassed or even attacked-physically as well as verbally? Why is it that they are treated differently to someone who’s straight?

Because we’re in that transition phase.

At the moment kids in school are being taught that there are families who have two mothers or two fathers instead of the traditional mother and father set up. It’s going to take a few years yet before it gets easier, before gay and lesbian partnerships are accepted totally, but that day IS coming. Unfortunately for some, not soon enough.

Homophobia is more pronounced in individuals who have grown up with domineering, openly, anti-gay parents. I feel that those who insist that they are straight, but are actually closet gays, are openly hostile towards other gays because they are threatened by them. Homosexuals remind them of similar tendencies within themselves, but because of their upbringing and their mixed up emotions, they turn their own internal conflict outwards and lash out publicly.

So, as long as we don’t install our negative beliefs into our children, as long as we don’t raise them to believe that same sex relationships are wrong and as long as we’re willing to accept that relationships are not just made up of male-female members, then there’s hope.

I’m not promoting homosexuality, I’m simply saying that we should be more tolerant and accepting when it comes to people who choose a different lifestyle to our own. I have to admit that I’m not too keen on the airy-fairy gays who prance around and flaunt their sexuality openly in public, but then again I’m not too keen on straight couples who just about dry hump each other out in public either.

Regardless of whether we are gay or straight, we should act with maturity and discretion and take note of our surroundings before engaging in any form of sexual fondling. Why make those around us feel uncomfortable? There’s no need for it.

Until next time...

Stay safe...and protected!

Bye for now.

M.C.

THINK LOVE NOTES ARE A BIT CORNY? THINK AGAIN.

If you’ve ever received a love letter-long or short, hand-written or typed, text or email and packed with sweet words, then you’ll know the impact that it can have in your life. Words are powerful, they have the ability to make or destroy a person’s day.

A short note saying “I miss you, wish you were here.” Or a longer version where you risk putting your heart on the line and saying exactly how you feel, has the ability to perform miracles.

Songs are love letters put to music and when we’re in love we understand the lyrics as they touch our heart and warm our soul. Love letters are the same, they hit the spot that makes us melt. Many, many, many years ago, hand-written love letters were common. Sadly however, they are rarely seen or heard of these days, you could say that they have ALMOST become extinct.

I’d like to share a little bit of my personal life with you. My marriage was in trouble, seriously in trouble, and I needed to get away to think things through. My husband and I have been together for twenty years and I’ll be the first one to admit that for quite a while, things were looking pretty, damn bleak. When I told him that I was going away – alone, he panicked. Now for those who know my husband, they’ll back me up 100% when I say that for him to write a mushy love letter is more than out-of-character for him - it is right off the wall, well actually, it’s right off the planet. But nevertheless, that’s exactly what he did. His emailed words to me, pulled at my heart strings and made me think that perhaps there was hope. Our marriage was not over. I have to admit that the roses were a nice touch and because it was so uncharacteristic for him to write to me, I even forgave him for buying me chocolates when I was on a diet. (Of course it helped that they were Lindt-my favourite.)

So...NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE WRITTEN WORD!

If you want to leave an impression on a loved one, then write them a sweet note. You’ll be the reason why they walk around for the rest of the day with a smile on their face.

Now, wouldn’t that be something?

Until next time, take care.

Ciao’ for now...

M.C.

xx

Surrounded by negativity

 

Let’s talk about dealing with negative people that surround us on a daily basis. I’m not talking about the ones that occasionally vent their anger because they’ve had a rough day, I’m talking about the ones that are constantly bitching  and moaning about something or other. The ones that you know, that as soon as they open their mouths, nothing good is going to come out.

Have you ever really stopped and listened to the way these people speak? Friends, partners, work colleagues or even family members? Is their dialogue usually positive or negative? Does it uplift your mood or does it instead, put a damper on it?

Every day we see it. We hear it. And we usually ignore it. But, letting our fellow human-beings off the hook every time they burden us with their negativity, isn’t doing us any good at all. In fact, it’s quite harmful to our health - mental, emotional, as well as physical. It drains us without us even realising it until it’s too late. We carry around the extra weight of THEIR shit on our shoulders and we wonder why all of a sudden we feel weak, sluggish and heavy and sick all the time. Pretty soon we find ourselves sitting in the doctor’s office unable to explain to him why you feel like crap and then, without warning, you burst into uncontrollable tears. Finally, he feels sorry for you and proceeds to write out a script for Prozac or whatever drug it is that they’re prescribing for depression these days.

How often have we risen out of bed and started our day off in a reasonably good mood only to have that ‘good’ feeling, unfortunately, short-lived? All because someone has decided to shower us with their negative comments, bathe our mood with their murky philosophy and spoil our entire day with their gloomy opinions. We have unknowingly, and unintentionally opened wide the invisible gateway and allowed them to enter and transform, what could have been, a bright, sanguine atmosphere into a dark and despondent one. And who do we have to blame?

You got it! Yes. Ourselves.

We are the ones responsible for letting them get under our skin, for allowing them the opportunity to contaminate our precious day with their own pessimistic outlook on life and for standing there long enough to let them believe that we are interested or that we care. If we give them the false impression that it’s okay for them to continuously pour superfluous vocabulary into the air we breathe and contaminate it with their abhorrence, then hey, we only have ourselves to blame.

So what should we do?

Should we pull them up and explain that we don’t like to hear their negativity and hope that they get the hint? Or, do we ignore them and walk away?

Should we disagree and start an argument or a heated debate which could eventually lead to a fist fight or worse? Or do we simply smile, nod continuously and pretend to agree with them?

Should we stand there and ignore the feel of our insides bubbling away aggressively as we listen to their crap? Or do we gradually spend less and less time with these tedious souls until eventually the relationship becomes null and void?

Whichever you choose to do, or however you decide to deal with these personalities, just remember...you need, for your own sanity, to do something, ANYTHING. Don’t let their behaviour spoil your day but most of all be cautious because the company you keep determines the way others see you. Don’t allow negative people to lead you astray with their caustic beliefs. If all you hear over and over again are negatives, it soon becomes almost like a mantra. So if you can’t change their perception, make sure that you don’t give them the opportunity to change yours.

Ultimately, the choice is yours. Good luck.

Ciao’ for now...

M.C.