These days it’s almost impossible for a household to live on
one income alone. When there are children, the expenses are astronomical and it’s
fair to say that we need to make sacrifices to get by.
But why is it that when we try to do the right thing by our
kids, we often jeopardise the things that are most important? Our family and their
happiness.
Sometimes we believe that we are doing the right things to
make our lives easier, but in the long run, we’re actually making things worse.
I have worked nights for roughly seven years while my
husband works days. My mentality when I first started was, that there would
always be someone home with our children regardless of who was at work, day or
night. It almost backfired!
Marriages, and all relationships for that matter, need work.
They take an endless supply of nurturing regardless of whether you’ve been
together for one year or fifty, there is no difference. Yes, it’s easier in the
beginning because the love is strong, but as the years go by we become
complacent and that’s when the shit goes south. We need to stay on top of it. Our
relationships need ongoing work and maintenance, otherwise they crack, break
and fall apart and you won’t find any type of adhesive that’s strong enough to glue
it back together.
Now picture this...You throw a couple of kids into the
equation and it suddenly becomes even more difficult. The time that you and
your partner once had for each other is now delegated between more members of
the family. At this point, you may throw one part of the partnership into a day
shift job and the other one into night shift to make ends meet financially, and
you’ve got a recipe for disaster. If you thought you had problems before, well,
let me tell you, you’re going to have major issues now. Usually the one who
works nights is exhausted all the time. They have limited sleep. Their body
clock is out of whack. They’re grumpy all the time. They snap for little or no
reason. They’re emotional. They’re forgetful. And to top it all off, they have
little or no desire to have sex.
“What?” You scream. “No sex?” That’s right guys. No sex. (Well,
If you’re lucky, you might get a little, but it won’t be very often and you can
forget about those marathon sessions that you used to have. They’re history, so
don’t go getting all excited.)
So what do you do if you have no choice but to work a
different shift to your partner? How do you share your time to suit every
member of your family? What can you do to keep everyone, especially yourself,
sane and happy?
Date nights. Yep! You read right.
Kids are flexible and adaptable but the same cannot be said
for your partner. You are their life. You are the one who they chose to spend
the rest of their years with, so don’t take them for granted, because nothing
is set in stone. They can walk away at any time if they feel that it’s not
worth it anymore. If you want your relationship to stand strong and last for
many years to come, you have to work on it. Go out for dinner, see a movie,
book a motel. Do whatever it takes to keep that love going because if the flame
dies and the spark disappears, then you’ve lost. You’ll be left standing alone
and wondering how the hell you let it get to THAT point. The point of no
return. So work nights if you really must, but remember to throw in a little 'R & R' and 'ME 'time as well as a little one on one time with your partner, otherwise, there's no hope.
Until next time...
M. C.
