Self image

Have you ever wondered how different your life would be if you were flawless?

I have.

Unfortunately most of us will never know what it’s like, but I assume that those who have been blessed with ‘having it all’ are totally oblivious of how lucky they are. Most of us can only dream of having the perfect body, the perfect face, being the perfect height, having great hair, skin, and so on. It’s a shame that those who come close to perfection often take it for granted.

We set the standard for perfection. The advertisements on TV show images of beautiful people. The majority of us fall short, to a degree, of that standard. A shame really, because each and every one of us has something beautiful to offer to the world. Whether it’s a feature or a characteristic or a even a form of charisma, it’s there, but we refuse to see it because we are so critical of ourselves. We forever judge or compare ourselves to others which is wrong, and we know that it’s wrong, but we can’t help it. It’s the way we are.

Would we really be more successful if we were better looking? Had a great body? Were taller, shorter, whatever?

Who says that ‘pretty Mary’ will have a better career than ‘ordinary Kate?’ (Not real names by the way.) Our upbringing does, that’s who.

Self image is formed when we are young. Because of this, every child needs to be enlightened with positive words about themselves, no matter what! Every child needs to hear that they are capable and clever as well as beautiful. They need to be constantly reminded that they can do whatever they want to do and they can be who they want to be when they grow up. It’s a must!

Words are powerful and a child will remember them. They are also free. So be generous with your positive words and tight with your negative ones because chances are they’ll be remembered more than the Playstation 3 that you bought for them last Christmas. Positive words are the only tools needed to build up confidence. If you don’t supply those tools and continuously keep them well stocked, then consider yourself the reason for creating a weak structure that will inevitably collapse at the first sign of a storm.

Look at the bullying situation in schools. A bully is a bully because they have poor self image and a child that is continuously bullied allows it to happen because they feel as though they deserve it. Is there such a thing as a child with a ‘great sense of self’ that is constantly bullied? I don’t think so. I haven’t seen one yet. And it’s THAT confidence that they have in themselves that actually repels the intimidators. Bullies only attack the weak because they know that they can get away with it. They’ll never attack the popular kid because the popular ones radiate poise and poise is the enemy of insecurity.

Teach your children how to wear the armour of self-confidence and self-worth and they will not be dragged down by the tyrants of this world. You can’t always be there by their side to shield and protect them, but you can teach them how to defend themselves. It is our responsibility as parents to keep our children safe and happy and if given the right tools while they are young, they can then go forth into the world of adulthood and succeed with confidence, no matter what they look like on the outside.

Never ever tell a child that they are not good enough to achieve a certain goal!  

As for the rest of us who already reside in THAT land, all I can say is...let’s change the way we see ourselves and that in turn will change the way others see us. Not all of the rich, famous and powerful people are beautiful on the outside, it’s what you can’t see with the naked eye that makes them different. If we could get inside their heads I’m sure that we would see that it’s filled with nothing but faith and self-assurance which is what powered them towards their goals in the first place. We can have those qualities too, we just need to believe.

Until next time...

M.C.

Movies. Where are the good ones?

Is it me or are the movies that are being made these days, becoming more and more pathetic?

One of my favourite R & R activities is sitting down for a couple of hours, feet up, drink in hand in front of a screen to take in and absorb, what I hope to be a good movie. Preferably one that leaves an impression on me and keeps me thinking about how good it was for days after it’s viewing.

Unfortunately, I’m finding that good quality story-lines are a rarity these days. Out of every ten that I watch, I’m lucky to come across one that is decent enough to recommend. Even when titles have been advertised as ‘brilliant’ ‘wonderful’ ‘inspiring’ impressively executed’ etc, they turn out to be nothing but big disappointments. What we’re shown in the previews are snippets of the best scenes and most of the time, the ONLY good scenes. The rest of the movie is pitiful and stale. I hate it when movies lack dramatics and intellectual stimulation and since I’m big on romance, if there is none, then I walk away disappointed. There’s got to be at least a little ROMANCE!

Obviously, movie makers are ignorant of our needs. I understand that they need to make a buck just like the rest of us, but supplying crap after deceiving us is the same as robbery. They really do need to find themselves some good screen writers who can deliver what we’re expecting.

In the last week I have watched movies which include a man and a woman meeting up in random hotel rooms on business trips. The entire movie was based on scene after scene of sex in 28 different rooms spanning over a number of years. WTF! And stupid me sat through it from beginning to end waiting for something dramatic to happen, but nope, no such luck. Luckily the movie was slightly shorter than most, however, 82 minutes still seemed like an eternity.

Another one was about a peculiar couple caravanning . Their road trip somehow turned into a bizarre murdering adventure. It was supposed to be a comedy but instead it turned out to be 88 minutes of ridiculous and twisted twaddle with gruesome scenes which turned my stomach (I detest movies with gory content!) and the romance side of it was just as sickening.

And let’s not forget to mention the ‘could have been wonderful movies’ which have terrific story-lines but the acting is appalling. These movies with potential, seem to star at least one well-known actor/actress (obviously to suck us in) who are foolishly  coupled with one or more dreadful fellow actors. It does nothing but bring the movie down. Instead of enjoying the storyline, we’re too busy scorning the casting crew for their harebrained choice of cast. It’s a crime to partner great actors with incompetent ones who lack the ability, and clearly, the personality to act. Great plots are ruined beyond repair when idiotic producers and casting directors have no idea of how to do their job properly.

What a waste of the movie-goers money.

Have you noticed that these days, cinemas are nowhere near as crowded as they were years ago? If we’re expected to fork out almost $20 to watch a movie, we expect that it’s going to be better than mediocre. It’s no wonder that most of us wait until movies are released onto DVD before watching them. If Hollywood would like us to spend precious relaxation time and money watching their shows, they’d better lift their game and start spitting out quality flicks instead of garbage.

Until next time...

Ciao’ for now.

M.C.

Homophobic much?

Now that I have your attention...  

Studies show that 10% of the population is homosexual. Surprised?

Often at group gatherings or social functions the subject of same sex relationships comes up. Sometimes only a few general comments are made, but other times those comments turn into heated debates with differences of opinions being argued and participants generally standing their ground on the subject. Each person refuses to see the others’ point of view. I call it...  ‘Tunnel vision’ or ‘hypocrisy’.

What I’m noticing is that if you’re anti gay there’s no swaying you to accept that some people have different sexual wants and needs to your own. (No point in forcing broccoli down a kids throat if they absolutely abhor the vegetable, you know what’s going to happen if you do.) It’s the same when you try to force an anti-gay person to see a homosexual’s point of view.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say out loud what I think...

I believe that every person who is a true homophobic has created in their own mind a certain fear, a fear of being attracted to a member of the same sex themselves. Homophobic men are afraid that every gay man is going to hit on them.

Um...helloooo. By thinking this way wouldn’t it be the same as believing that every straight person out there, be it man or woman, would try to hit on EVERY person of the opposite sex? Can you see what’s wrong with that statement? What happened to the law of attraction?

The Law of Attraction states that you attract into your life whatever you think about. 

Hmmm! Would this mean that those who are afraid of gays and lesbians are actually secretly afraid of letting others know that they’d like to swing that way themselves? By being openly anti-gay, do they really believe that their secret is safe?

Gays attract gays. Lesbians attract lesbians. They have some sort of inbuilt radar that lets them sense and detect other gays and lesbians. If you’re not that way inclined, then you have nothing to worry about, but if you are, then chances are that sooner or later, someone will come along and help you out of that dark closet that you have so desperately tried to bury yourself in. They will take you by the hand and stand by your side, support you and love you no matter what, just like in a ‘straight’ relationship. (Notice how I didn’t say ‘normal’ relationship?)

“But I’m married and I have kids.” I hear you say. Yes. But have you built your life on a lie? Have you done everything that has been expected of you because that’s what society has drummed into you? Have you done it because it’s what your parents expected you to do? Or have you committed to a life of unhappiness because you’re afraid of what might happen to you if you shock everyone with the truth?

If you’re gay, 9 times out of 10 your family and friends already know it. Unbeknownst to you, there are quite a few telltale signs that you may not be aware of, but those closest to you have seen the signs. They just haven’t said anything, because they’re waiting for you to say something first.

I guess there are a few people out there that are still struggling to come to terms with the fact that they might actually be gay. So why is it, that even in today’s open society, those that would like to ‘come out’ are afraid.  Afraid that they will be discriminated against, rejected, harassed or even attacked-physically as well as verbally? Why is it that they are treated differently to someone who’s straight?

Because we’re in that transition phase.

At the moment kids in school are being taught that there are families who have two mothers or two fathers instead of the traditional mother and father set up. It’s going to take a few years yet before it gets easier, before gay and lesbian partnerships are accepted totally, but that day IS coming. Unfortunately for some, not soon enough.

Homophobia is more pronounced in individuals who have grown up with domineering, openly, anti-gay parents. I feel that those who insist that they are straight, but are actually closet gays, are openly hostile towards other gays because they are threatened by them. Homosexuals remind them of similar tendencies within themselves, but because of their upbringing and their mixed up emotions, they turn their own internal conflict outwards and lash out publicly.

So, as long as we don’t install our negative beliefs into our children, as long as we don’t raise them to believe that same sex relationships are wrong and as long as we’re willing to accept that relationships are not just made up of male-female members, then there’s hope.

I’m not promoting homosexuality, I’m simply saying that we should be more tolerant and accepting when it comes to people who choose a different lifestyle to our own. I have to admit that I’m not too keen on the airy-fairy gays who prance around and flaunt their sexuality openly in public, but then again I’m not too keen on straight couples who just about dry hump each other out in public either.

Regardless of whether we are gay or straight, we should act with maturity and discretion and take note of our surroundings before engaging in any form of sexual fondling. Why make those around us feel uncomfortable? There’s no need for it.

Until next time...

Stay safe...and protected!

Bye for now.

M.C.

THINK LOVE NOTES ARE A BIT CORNY? THINK AGAIN.

If you’ve ever received a love letter-long or short, hand-written or typed, text or email and packed with sweet words, then you’ll know the impact that it can have in your life. Words are powerful, they have the ability to make or destroy a person’s day.

A short note saying “I miss you, wish you were here.” Or a longer version where you risk putting your heart on the line and saying exactly how you feel, has the ability to perform miracles.

Songs are love letters put to music and when we’re in love we understand the lyrics as they touch our heart and warm our soul. Love letters are the same, they hit the spot that makes us melt. Many, many, many years ago, hand-written love letters were common. Sadly however, they are rarely seen or heard of these days, you could say that they have ALMOST become extinct.

I’d like to share a little bit of my personal life with you. My marriage was in trouble, seriously in trouble, and I needed to get away to think things through. My husband and I have been together for twenty years and I’ll be the first one to admit that for quite a while, things were looking pretty, damn bleak. When I told him that I was going away – alone, he panicked. Now for those who know my husband, they’ll back me up 100% when I say that for him to write a mushy love letter is more than out-of-character for him - it is right off the wall, well actually, it’s right off the planet. But nevertheless, that’s exactly what he did. His emailed words to me, pulled at my heart strings and made me think that perhaps there was hope. Our marriage was not over. I have to admit that the roses were a nice touch and because it was so uncharacteristic for him to write to me, I even forgave him for buying me chocolates when I was on a diet. (Of course it helped that they were Lindt-my favourite.)

So...NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE WRITTEN WORD!

If you want to leave an impression on a loved one, then write them a sweet note. You’ll be the reason why they walk around for the rest of the day with a smile on their face.

Now, wouldn’t that be something?

Until next time, take care.

Ciao’ for now...

M.C.

xx

Surrounded by negativity

 

Let’s talk about dealing with negative people that surround us on a daily basis. I’m not talking about the ones that occasionally vent their anger because they’ve had a rough day, I’m talking about the ones that are constantly bitching  and moaning about something or other. The ones that you know, that as soon as they open their mouths, nothing good is going to come out.

Have you ever really stopped and listened to the way these people speak? Friends, partners, work colleagues or even family members? Is their dialogue usually positive or negative? Does it uplift your mood or does it instead, put a damper on it?

Every day we see it. We hear it. And we usually ignore it. But, letting our fellow human-beings off the hook every time they burden us with their negativity, isn’t doing us any good at all. In fact, it’s quite harmful to our health - mental, emotional, as well as physical. It drains us without us even realising it until it’s too late. We carry around the extra weight of THEIR shit on our shoulders and we wonder why all of a sudden we feel weak, sluggish and heavy and sick all the time. Pretty soon we find ourselves sitting in the doctor’s office unable to explain to him why you feel like crap and then, without warning, you burst into uncontrollable tears. Finally, he feels sorry for you and proceeds to write out a script for Prozac or whatever drug it is that they’re prescribing for depression these days.

How often have we risen out of bed and started our day off in a reasonably good mood only to have that ‘good’ feeling, unfortunately, short-lived? All because someone has decided to shower us with their negative comments, bathe our mood with their murky philosophy and spoil our entire day with their gloomy opinions. We have unknowingly, and unintentionally opened wide the invisible gateway and allowed them to enter and transform, what could have been, a bright, sanguine atmosphere into a dark and despondent one. And who do we have to blame?

You got it! Yes. Ourselves.

We are the ones responsible for letting them get under our skin, for allowing them the opportunity to contaminate our precious day with their own pessimistic outlook on life and for standing there long enough to let them believe that we are interested or that we care. If we give them the false impression that it’s okay for them to continuously pour superfluous vocabulary into the air we breathe and contaminate it with their abhorrence, then hey, we only have ourselves to blame.

So what should we do?

Should we pull them up and explain that we don’t like to hear their negativity and hope that they get the hint? Or, do we ignore them and walk away?

Should we disagree and start an argument or a heated debate which could eventually lead to a fist fight or worse? Or do we simply smile, nod continuously and pretend to agree with them?

Should we stand there and ignore the feel of our insides bubbling away aggressively as we listen to their crap? Or do we gradually spend less and less time with these tedious souls until eventually the relationship becomes null and void?

Whichever you choose to do, or however you decide to deal with these personalities, just remember...you need, for your own sanity, to do something, ANYTHING. Don’t let their behaviour spoil your day but most of all be cautious because the company you keep determines the way others see you. Don’t allow negative people to lead you astray with their caustic beliefs. If all you hear over and over again are negatives, it soon becomes almost like a mantra. So if you can’t change their perception, make sure that you don’t give them the opportunity to change yours.

Ultimately, the choice is yours. Good luck.

Ciao’ for now...

M.C.

Men versus women in the "Who does more?" debate.

I have to admit that I got just a little bit annoyed the other morning when I was listening to the radio. Men were phoning in saying that they do a lot more than women in the home and workplace. The majority of women I know do a lot more than their male counterparts. The male species go to work for 8 hours, then come home, crack a beer open and then either go to visit their fellow male species or just sit in front of the TV until dinner is ready. After scoffing down dinner they go and watch some more TV then toddle off to bed, impatiently awaiting their partner to complete their very hectic day (according to them) with some play time. It may be play time for them, but for the women it's just another chore to end their day.



The women that I know, get the kids up for school in the mornings, make lunches, lay out their clothes, drive them to school, but not before tidying up the house and putting on a load of washing in-between the yelling and screaming at kids who have no concept whatsoever of time and love to dawdle.



After dropping them off at school, they then themselves need to rush off to work to put up with the crap that is dished out to them by their male chauvinistic and womanising fellow workers and bosses, only to come home at the end of the working day to do it all over again with their live in male partner. On the way home, they may need to stop off at a supermarket to buy items for dinner or to pay a bill or two. Once home there is homework that kids need help with and dinner to be made, there is the cleaning up after dinner and maybe another load of washing to do.

For the women who do not have a daytime job (that is, one that they actually get paid for) their day involves, washing, cleaning, ironing, sweeping, mopping, dusting, gardening, folding clothes, looking after and cleaning up after family pets, taking rubbish out, shopping, paying bills, making phone-calls to utility providers and so on and so on.



For shift workers like myself, we need to do almost all of the above, (I refuse to do gardening) as well as go to work while everyone is asleep and the only sleep we do get is while the kids are at school. If you work that out, it’s a maximum of 5 and a half hours sleep per day.



So, I dare any man to suggest that he works harder than I do!  I, (as well as many, many, other women out there) work the equivalent of at least two full time jobs but only get paid for one. (and a mediocre pay at that)Where’s the fairness in that? And then men have the audacity to crack the shits when we’re just too exhausted to satisfy their needs. Well newsflash guys!!!! You have two hands so go and help yourselves!!!

Trying to find a publisher

Okay, so I've spent almost two years of my life writing my 70000 + word manuscript, I have drafted, redrafted and edited and re-edited, and now I understand what everyone has been saying, the really hard part is not writing your book, it's getting a publisher to publish it or an agent to represent it to a publisher who may or may not publish it.

Well I haven't come this far to give up now, so I will persevere until I find someone out there who believes in my work as much as I do. Sure I can self-publish if I'm really desperate to see my novel on bookshelves but why should I have to go down that track, I believe in the traditional form of publishing where if an editor feels that a manuscript has merit he or she will say, "Hey this is pretty good, let's get it out there."

Then there's the world exposure, and I don't mean going out stark naked for the entire world to see you in all your glory, I mean getting your name out there and having followers who read your work and hang onto every word that you write. That in itself is a little difficult when you have not yet been published and so the vicious circle begins. To become a published author it is preferable that you have already been published, but how do you get to have something published when you haven't already had something published. See what I mean?